I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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