shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
