it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
