Where are you?
In a non slutty way
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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