break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
