I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
