I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
