She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
