I accidentally burped into my bong.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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