Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
3 2 1 whiskey
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
