Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
