I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
