Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I looked at my own cervix.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
