You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize