im holly from the hills drunk
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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