Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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