I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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