I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
