He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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