Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
