he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
