Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
