Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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