I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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