I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
