I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
