awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
