Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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