i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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