don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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