I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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