had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
