Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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