Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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