I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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