PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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