Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
