it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
