I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
