Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
