we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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