i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
