I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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