new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Randomize
