I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
