If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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