you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
