I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
