so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
