Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
