apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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