smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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