Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
