babies were throwing up all over the place
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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