Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
