He uses pillows to masturbate.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
