he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
