This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
