If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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