I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
