Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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