thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
